Beeps, pings, ringtones, notifications — we’re constantly in touch with each other. That connection is important, and smartphones make it easy. But truly connecting is something that your child can… (well, actually – should – be able to) do offline too. With themselves, but definitely with others too.
Sharing the dining table, grandma’s 80th birthday, a class party, playing football, going on vacation — connecting with family and friends is hugely important. But online, your child can just as easily — sometimes even more effectively — feel part of a community. Think of the online gaming world, with billions of players worldwide playing together.
Online equals offline
Don’t be fooled: for children, online and offline are closely intertwined. We adults tend to think in boxes: either you’re online, or you’re “really” connecting — because many of us remember a world without the internet. But for kids, it all overlaps.
Between ages 9 and 12, children are busy forming their identity and want to belong, to feel connected. They want to do what their friends are doing, whether it’s on the playground or at home on TikTok. So if your child is the only one without a phone, it feels like they’re being left out — they simply don’t have access to the social world of the rest.
It’s not so much about how much your child is online, but what they do there, and with whom.
Balance is key
A few tips:
- Don’t be too rigid – Fixed rules are useful, but a little flexibility helps your child learn to choose relaxation or connection — both online and offline.
- Phone stacking – Treat mealtime as a sacred family moment: place all phones in a pile before sitting down at the table.
- Lead by example – Sounds obvious, but how often do you unconsciously reach for your phone in front of your child? It’s hard to encourage genuine offline connection if you’re always on your own device.
- Talk – Showing interest in what your child does online helps them make conscious choices about who and how they connect.
- Bring distant family closer – Encourage your child to use their phone to connect: video call grandparents more often, for example.
- Make media truly social – Liking a friend’s photo is nice, but taking a moment to think about a comment helps your child build deeper connections.
It’s about the right balance: encourage offline contact, but also recognize that online friendships can be just as meaningful. That way, your child learns to stay connected on all fronts.
